friends and cigarettes
10-4-26
for context i am a college drop out. i am from missouri but moved to seattle to study game programming at the academy of interactive entertainment, where i couldnt find a job and had to move back home after the first year. i still have a lot of friends there though that i love, so i recently went to visit.
for the year that i was part of the school runs 3 days a week, monday-wednesday, so i wanted to at least be there for that duration. the cheapest day to travel was a wednesday so my trip was from a wednesday to the next weeks saturday, 9 days.
i wanted to show up at the school and suprise folks so i only told a few people i was especially close to that i was coming (which in retrospect was a good idea but i undershot the number of people i should have told, it didnt ruin my trip or anything though).
really graciously two of my friends offered me free places to stay during my vacation. how sweet is that!
i bought a crummy 15 dollar camcorder from staples specifically for my seattle visit, because i love how old digital camera photos look and id be more interested in taking photos if i had that over just my phone. this damn thing though uses MICRO USB to charge. IN 2026!! i forgot to bring the cable that came with it and didnt want to spend a lot on a cable in seattle so it just sat in my bag for a long time. i did get ONE photo with it there, though...
breathe it in guys.
the first week of my trip was a little slow but easy going, most days i would only hang out with one person (bar the friend i was staying with) and we would hang out the whole day. there isnt a lot particularly interesting to write about except for when i saw the friend i moved to seattle with.
we got in a big argument at the semester break and by the end of the school year we would talk again sometimes things felt way different (worse). but we were really close at one point and i did want to see her again even though i thought itd be another awkward encounter.
i got her in a call under the pretense that i just wanted to talk and catch up and we talked as i walked up those miserable giant hills seattle has to yell into her bedroom window. we got coffee and talked on a real level like real friends. i dont think my writing does how i felt about all that justice but it was so amazing to me that a friendship i thought was completely ruined could just be back after not talking for so long!
when the school week started i suprised everyone and that was good and cool.
they never deactivated my login info so while my old teacher was lecturing the class i sat in the room and worked on my own stuff in godot. i made a prototype for this game idea i had where you have to solve math problems to do anything and that was fun to work on and actually had me reflecting on a lot of stuff.
there was a long time (the first 18 years of my life) where i would work on projects on my computer because i thought they were fun, and this was anything like software or 3d models or drawing etc. when i started going to aie i tunnelvisioned in on video games, specifically ones made as products for an audience to get money. once i dropped out i joined a game studio which is awesome but also doesnt leave me with a lot of dev time to myself. working on that dinky prototype made me remember how fun it is to work on stuff for myself and how kind of miserable it is to have to consider audience and their reaction to my work.
at that school i would spend most of my breaks outside at what everyone called the smoke spot because they would all smoke there, i never did though. i was super against nicotine when i was going and turned down people a few times offering me stuff, but something in my head has pivoted hard since then.
the first time i tried nicotine was from a cigarella (this wasnt at the smoke spot) and i felt a bit of pressure in my head and nothing positive. the next time was at the smoke spot i hit a friends vape and thought it was pretty nifty.
the next day one of my friends brought her badass black and gold accented chinese cigarettes and offerend me one which i OBVIOUSLY took. and then got nicotine poisoning and sat in the bathroom for half an hour waiting for it to die down. its not something i want to happen often but in retrospect nicotine poisoning was pretty fun!
by this point my tolerance was pretty good... not to brag... heh. and i smoked and vaped more and only got the positive effects. i really like the nicotine high, i think the social part of smoking as an outdoor thing is really fun, but vapes are freekin evil dude and i dont think i could own one without hitting it all the time.
also i coped that i cant get anything with nicotine in it in missouri so it wont be an issue for my vacation, and in the one day ive been back in missouri that has worked out!
one of my missouri friends moved to seattle to go to seattle university so he gave me a quick tour of some of the campus which was awesome. all the buildings were huge and there were tons of services around for students like makerspaces. it was just so cool!
we talked for a long time and just started walking, eventually we wound up somewhere i recognized so i led in the direction of where i was staying. i didnt drink any water during this walk because i didnt feel strange but i fainting when i was right outside of my friends apartment. oops!
thankfully we were just a short elevator ride up to my friends apartment, and while going up i took the opportunity to faint again and i actually remember what this one felt like. all of a sudden it was like i was really tired but i thought i could steel myself to stay awake by thinking hard enough (i couldnt). all the colors got brighter and then i stop remembering things for a second. when i came to a few seconds later on the ground i completely forgot who i was for a few seconds, which i think is normal for me when i sleep really deeply but usually i wake up in my big comfy bed and have all the time i want to lay around while i remember. it didnt take long for me to go back to normal though.
i was dragged into the apartment and drank a great bunch of water from a digital circus movie cup and was fine, just really tired.
as a little kid i wanted to be shot by a tranq gun more than anything to know what it would be like and if i could resist it, and im super pumped to finally have a similar experience to that!
this was the last night i was in town so i had planned to pack but since i was so tired i moved my 6 am alarm to 5 am so id have plenty of time in the morning. i kept waking up before my alarm went off, and usually i try to make myself go back to sleep anyways but i caved and checked my phone which said it was 7:14 am. i had never slept through an alarm before and this freaked me out so bad. it was a godsend that both of my flights were substantially delayed.
my friends are more kind give me more grace than i feel like i deserve most of the time. i feel so lucky to know them.
10-4-26
for context i am a college drop out. i am from missouri but moved to seattle to study game programming at the academy of interactive entertainment, where i couldnt find a job and had to move back home after the first year. i still have a lot of friends there though that i love, so i recently went to visit.
for the year that i was part of the school runs 3 days a week, monday-wednesday, so i wanted to at least be there for that duration. the cheapest day to travel was a wednesday so my trip was from a wednesday to the next weeks saturday, 9 days.
i wanted to show up at the school and suprise folks so i only told a few people i was especially close to that i was coming (which in retrospect was a good idea but i undershot the number of people i should have told, it didnt ruin my trip or anything though).
really graciously two of my friends offered me free places to stay during my vacation. how sweet is that!
i bought a crummy 15 dollar camcorder from staples specifically for my seattle visit, because i love how old digital camera photos look and id be more interested in taking photos if i had that over just my phone. this damn thing though uses MICRO USB to charge. IN 2026!! i forgot to bring the cable that came with it and didnt want to spend a lot on a cable in seattle so it just sat in my bag for a long time. i did get ONE photo with it there, though...
the first week of my trip was a little slow but easy going, most days i would only hang out with one person (bar the friend i was staying with) and we would hang out the whole day. there isnt a lot particularly interesting to write about except for when i saw the friend i moved to seattle with.
we got in a big argument at the semester break and by the end of the school year we would talk again sometimes things felt way different (worse). but we were really close at one point and i did want to see her again even though i thought itd be another awkward encounter.
i got her in a call under the pretense that i just wanted to talk and catch up and we talked as i walked up those miserable giant hills seattle has to yell into her bedroom window. we got coffee and talked on a real level like real friends. i dont think my writing does how i felt about all that justice but it was so amazing to me that a friendship i thought was completely ruined could just be back after not talking for so long!
when the school week started i suprised everyone and that was good and cool.
they never deactivated my login info so while my old teacher was lecturing the class i sat in the room and worked on my own stuff in godot. i made a prototype for this game idea i had where you have to solve math problems to do anything and that was fun to work on and actually had me reflecting on a lot of stuff.
there was a long time (the first 18 years of my life) where i would work on projects on my computer because i thought they were fun, and this was anything like software or 3d models or drawing etc. when i started going to aie i tunnelvisioned in on video games, specifically ones made as products for an audience to get money. once i dropped out i joined a game studio which is awesome but also doesnt leave me with a lot of dev time to myself. working on that dinky prototype made me remember how fun it is to work on stuff for myself and how kind of miserable it is to have to consider audience and their reaction to my work.
at that school i would spend most of my breaks outside at what everyone called the smoke spot because they would all smoke there, i never did though. i was super against nicotine when i was going and turned down people a few times offering me stuff, but something in my head has pivoted hard since then.
the first time i tried nicotine was from a cigarella (this wasnt at the smoke spot) and i felt a bit of pressure in my head and nothing positive. the next time was at the smoke spot i hit a friends vape and thought it was pretty nifty.
the next day one of my friends brought her badass black and gold accented chinese cigarettes and offerend me one which i OBVIOUSLY took. and then got nicotine poisoning and sat in the bathroom for half an hour waiting for it to die down. its not something i want to happen often but in retrospect nicotine poisoning was pretty fun!
by this point my tolerance was pretty good... not to brag... heh. and i smoked and vaped more and only got the positive effects. i really like the nicotine high, i think the social part of smoking as an outdoor thing is really fun, but vapes are freekin evil dude and i dont think i could own one without hitting it all the time.
also i coped that i cant get anything with nicotine in it in missouri so it wont be an issue for my vacation, and in the one day ive been back in missouri that has worked out!
one of my missouri friends moved to seattle to go to seattle university so he gave me a quick tour of some of the campus which was awesome. all the buildings were huge and there were tons of services around for students like makerspaces. it was just so cool!
we talked for a long time and just started walking, eventually we wound up somewhere i recognized so i led in the direction of where i was staying. i didnt drink any water during this walk because i didnt feel strange but i fainting when i was right outside of my friends apartment. oops!
thankfully we were just a short elevator ride up to my friends apartment, and while going up i took the opportunity to faint again and i actually remember what this one felt like. all of a sudden it was like i was really tired but i thought i could steel myself to stay awake by thinking hard enough (i couldnt). all the colors got brighter and then i stop remembering things for a second. when i came to a few seconds later on the ground i completely forgot who i was for a few seconds, which i think is normal for me when i sleep really deeply but usually i wake up in my big comfy bed and have all the time i want to lay around while i remember. it didnt take long for me to go back to normal though.
i was dragged into the apartment and drank a great bunch of water from a digital circus movie cup and was fine, just really tired.
as a little kid i wanted to be shot by a tranq gun more than anything to know what it would be like and if i could resist it, and im super pumped to finally have a similar experience to that!
this was the last night i was in town so i had planned to pack but since i was so tired i moved my 6 am alarm to 5 am so id have plenty of time in the morning. i kept waking up before my alarm went off, and usually i try to make myself go back to sleep anyways but i caved and checked my phone which said it was 7:14 am. i had never slept through an alarm before and this freaked me out so bad. it was a godsend that both of my flights were substantially delayed.
my friends are more kind give me more grace than i feel like i deserve most of the time. i feel so lucky to know them.